A short thought on shutting the hell up!
At the beginning of the week I often looking forward and consider the clients I will be seeing between now and the next weekend. How different that will be this week where everyone in online. I often take a wider view of the week and allow my mind to consider the other responsibilities I will have. For me this will include; a new set of tasks, teaching / parenting in isolation, learning technology, Hoping that this new website won’t crash or that I have set up to work properly.
All of this will all have an impact on my capacity to work. Not necessarily a negative one but we all have a limit on our capacity to be productive before the quality of every thing we do drops off.
I think one of the most draining aspects of this job is to be actively listening - And I mean really listening - while also allowing your mind to consider what is being said in context of the clients bigger story, working out what is important and when isn't when considering how change is going to occur, seeing connections in what they have said with other things (not just in that session but with something they may have said 10 weeks ago) and understanding the importance of what isn't being said. All this while using this via a computer where the sound quality can vary significantly or even cup out altogether.
Doing this with everything else going on is exhausting. In some ways working with young people can be more tiring. The lives I am trying to connect with are chaotic and so emotionally driven that holding those young people in a place of safety is a delicate balancing act. So when I am working in the 45 minutes that I have them for there is a lot going on.
This is where silence comes in.
The importance of silence in counselling is that it allows both the clients and the counsellor to think, which allows them the potential to come up with more profound awareness of all that is being discussed. It allows the clients to dig deeply into what they are feeling or to struggle for alternatives for action, and to weigh decisions.
From my perspective though as the 'helper', listening to silence also has a calming effect on both clients, as well as counselors. It prevents us all from racing ahead, giving us time to pause in the chaos of our own minds. It also prevents me from pushing too hard, or at the wrong time. Allowing silence give us both time to consider 'what's next' in the interaction and with so much going on under the surface it is invaluable.I love the moments I have with young people that are simply silence.
Lives are so often filled with noise and chaos that to have a stillness and an absence of stimuli is rare and often jarring to them. This is a great way top provoke conversation about how busy and full their lives are. In the safety of our room they can be given a moment where they can allow that to drift away and safely hear their inner voice, perhaps for the first time. Many people never encounter silence and don't know what stillness feels like. So for me to show them, teach them what it feels like and model how they can use it is amazing.
When working with people its also a very helpful tool to be able to take a moment in the interaction to listen back to what has or hasn't been said and to consider your next words. This week I am going to practice, more intentionally, the art of shutting the hell up so that when I get that silence I am more effective with my thoughts.