The Wonder of Discovery and the Power of Challenge
Discovery and challenge are not new idea but are uncomfortable processes that are easy to ignore as the level of discomfort is something we naturally want to avoid.
What blind spots do we have in our life, about our life, work, dynamics with our teams, clients? There is a psychological tool created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 called the Johari window and It’s a simple and useful tool for understanding aspects of our world and our interactions in it:
self-awareness
personal development
improving communications
interpersonal relationships
group dynamics
team development
inter-group relationships
It’s a great model to use because of its simplicity to understand and also because it can be applied in a variety of situations and environments.
The premise is that there are 4 areas or assumptions we can make about our life or the relationship we are in, wether that is personal or professional:
There is information that is known to only me.
There is information that is known to only you (or, whoever you’re communicating with).
There is information that is known to you and me.
There is information that neither of us know.
1. Arena or Open Area
While you are interacting with someone, there are things that you both know and are both aware of. This can include information about the person such as their attitudes, behaviour, emotions, feelings, skills and views that are known by the communicator and the person or people they are talking to. Everything is open, true and available to the both of you. When both people are aware of what is in the room, said or unsaid (but both equally known) communication can take place where both parties are known to be authentic and this leads to effective communication.
2. Facade
The next panel is the facade or hidden area – items that are known to you but not to others. This can be because you keep those things hidden or because they are simply not seen by the other, This can be facts, opinions, attitudes, personality traits etc. Importantly you are aware of them, and others are not.
Depending on the situation, it might be better to reveal these things that have so far remain hidden and it can be an opportunity to build trust with the other person. This results in this moving from the hidden area to thew open area and relationships are deepened.
By letting people know you on a deeper level we can break down communication barriers and build stronger relationships, regardless if that is with an audience or with a close friend.
As this open area becomes bigger trust and relationship grows and deepens.
3. Blind Spot
The third area is the blind spot. This contains things that you are simply not aware of but other people can see or understand, this is where self awareness work starts. Understanding ourselves and working on our blind spots helps us to grow and develop as a person.
Unconscious habits are seen by others but by their very nature remain hidden to us. Perhaps they might be physiological responses to situations or moments of high anxiety. Tics, rubbing hands, tapping etc. They will be visible to others but we are completely unaware of them.
On a deeper level you may find that you have automatic responses to situations. Perhaps you always apologise for things you haven’t done, minimise your successes, change the subject when having ‘difficult’ conversations. In all of your relationships, you will have people who may notice these seemingly small things about your blind area that you probably do not know about yourself. By listening to others and being open to listening to feedback you are able to grow and yet again your open area increases.
It is important to note that these things can be positive as well. If you were to do a piece of work and you get no feedback about it, the impact of that work remains hidden to you. Within my coaching and therapy work the impact of my work can last years past the ending of the relationship and so remains hidden to me, this is the nature of the work and is something I understand and have learnt to sit comfortably not knowing.
However, if you are able to give positive feedback what difference could it make to the other person?
4. The Unknown area
The last panel of the Johari Window is difficult to get your head around. It simply occurs when there are things that both you and others aren’t aware of. The question then arrises; how do we know this even exists if we are both unaware of its existence?
The answer to this is history and experience. We know there is new knowledge to be gained because we have always discovered new information about ourselves. There is not a cap or limit on what we can discover and with every interaction and situation we change. sometimes that change is small and sometimes that change is large, but here is always new information to be learned about ourselves, others, and the world.
The thing we must remember is that new experiences teach us things about ourselves and others that would not have been known otherwise. Breaking into the Unknown area an help us get out of our comfort zone and understand the world a bit better.
This is the power of discovery and challenge. It is really hard to bring awareness to the emotions, stresses, feelings and thoughts that exist in the unknown area, but it’s not impossible.
By understanding yourself better, the Open Arena in the Johari window model will be wider, as shown in the image:
When I start with anyone I make it a point to explain that I do not know them everything is hidden to me. And some of what our interactions will highlight is that there is also areas of themselves that is also hidden. I cannot pretend to know their story or understand their experience. To aid in my understanding of them we create a space to tell their story and we explore their story in new ways. I will often talk about being explorers in their own world. We dont often give space to ourselves to reflect on our own stories or experiences and create understanding of where we become stuck or where we have repeating patterns of negative behaviour or thoughts.
It’s only when the story and relationship is out there that we can start to question it to bring about a deeper understanding. By opening up a story and deeply questioning, not only the experience but the way that the experience is being told, then questioning the assumptions within the story and analysing how the story is being told can really start to make our “open area” larger.
It is so important to not just look at the surface level of someone’s experience or indeed the deeper levels but to also look at if the way the experience is being retold. How is the story being framed? From whose perspective is the story being told?
Understanding this fluid dynamic in our relationships can transform our interactions and connection to people and situations. We become more self aware and therefore better communicators because of it.